Friday, October 8, 2010

megan chng's bio lesson

with this lesson, you will never fail.
i told her she'll be teaching my kids LOLOLOL
(this was taken from skype btw so it's basically her talking to me lol not an actual lesson she typed out for the world, which she did do on twitter tho)

THE VERTEBRAL COLUMN
YOUR SPINE HORRR GOT 33 BONES
7 + 12 + 5 + 5 + 4
7 cervical, 12 thoracic, 5 lumbar, 5 sacral ,4 caudal
first two in the cervical got special names coz they special lah!
the first one is called the atlas, and it has a massive vertebral foramen, coz it's where the spinal cord first goes into from the brain, so its like bigger than the rest of the bones coz the spinal cord tapers down as it goes down
2nd cervical vertebra is called the axis. axis, like how it sounds like, allows the head to turn left and right, with this thing called the ODONTOID process (ok how can you not remember a name like odontoid. its like, pikachu. memorable. wtf) then there's the rest of the cervical vertabrae that no one gives a fuck about. all cervical vertebrae have transverse foramen which are holes that allow blood vessels and nerves to pass. anything with a 'foramen' is basically an opening for stuff to go through
NOW WE GOT THORACIC VERTEBRAE
12, because we got 12 pairs of ribs. dere4 (wtf) the ribs articulate with the thoracic vertebrae. they have spinous processes that are LONG and pointed DOWNWARDS like YO MAMA'S DICK (what the fuck?) spinous and transverse processes are points of attachment for muscles and ligaments.
next we have the lumbar vertebrae, 5. now lumbar is exactly what is sounds like. FAT AND ROUND LOL it has a massive centrum, which is bigger than any other kind of vertebrae coz the lumbar vertebrae have to support the majority of the upper body's weight. so like ya. huuuuugeee centrums, and they're rounder than the rest of the vertebrae. they're kind of like the sumos of the vertebrae family
now we have the 5 sacral and the 4 caudal. the 5 sacral bones fuse to form the sacrum, which is one big bone. i have no idea why they couldn't have just categorised it as ONE bone instead of 5.. but ok.
the 4 caudal bones fuse to form the coccyx, which is under the sacrum. again, one bone, but considered as four fused into one what the fuck

K SUPPORT SYSTEM IN PLANTS
AQUATIC PLANTS GOT 2 TYPES
submerged plants have thin, flexible leaves so that they won't be fucked over when the currents of the water decide to rape them with their pulling and pushing action, they also have air sacs to stay upright
floating plants are like submerged plants... except they float. WTF. they have broad leaves that are flexible enough to withstand the buttraping from the waves
they also have aerenchyma tissues in the stems + leaves, which is like a fancy way of saying they have air sacs -_-

OOGENESIS
OOGENESIS BEGINS EVEN BEFORE WE'RE FUCKEN BORN, BECAUSE SOME MOTHERFUCKER DECIDED TO MAKE US AS COMPLEX AS HELL. (i think his name is god, but whatever)
SO. primordial germ cells mitosis into OOGONIUM. which grow into PRIMARY OOCYTES
then the primary oocytes get fancy dresses(follicle cells) and a fancy new name, primary follicles, but people still call them primary oocytes too which gives us a mindfuck like hello identity crisis much? but whatver
so the primary follicle/primary oocyte undergoes meiosis until PROPHASE 1 ONLY.
THEN, A BABY GIRL IS BORN. *shining light*
fast forward to puberty,
the primary oocyte completes meiosis 1 to become some deformed motherfucker because they're not equal, the 1st polar body is smaller than the 2ndary oocyte
then the 2ndary oocyte undegoes meiosis II UNTIL METAPHASE II BECAUSE FOR FUCK'S SAKE LIKE WOMEN THEY NEVER SEE TO MAKE THEIR MINDS UP ABOUT ANYTHING. but because they're like women they like clothes too so they get a new set of digs so now they're a 2ndary follicle too
the 1st polar body also unergoes meiosis II but no one gives a fuck because they ended up being the sacrificial lamb anyway so boo freaking hoo moving on
the 2ndary oocyte starts to grow in the 2ndary follicle (stupid mofo never wanna make their mind up but oookay.) the 2ndary FOLLICLE grows into this big badass motherfucker called the GRAFFIAN FOLLICLE
EVERY 28 FUCKEN DAYS, THE GRAFFIAN FOLLICLE ATTACHES ITSELF TO THE OVARIAN WALL AND FUCKEN EXPLODES, RELEASING THE HIROSHIMA BOMB THAT IS THE 2NDARY OOCYTE.
this explosion is known as ovulation
IF PENETRATION (in both senses) OCCURS, meiosis II is complete. ya, stupid 2ndary oocyte is like bella swan, cannot continue anything unless it a sparkly motherfucker to penetrate her. i mean. sperm.
2ndary oocyte forms the ovum, which is where the magic happens
as well as the 2nd polar body, which, again, no one gives about. poor mofo.
IF NO PENETRATION/SECKS OCCURS, AND AFTER THE EXPLOSION OF THE GRAFFIAN FOLLICLE, it develops into corpus luteum, which will degenerate and end up staining our beds, our underwear and make us feel like renesmee is trying to be the cutthroat bitch that se is
if secks occurs, the corpus luteum stays and continues producing progesterone and oestrogen.
nanananannana BATMAN!

btw, i like it on your table ;)